DETACH YOURSELF FROM WORK FAM…

On Friday night I went to an intimate gathering for my friend Catalina's departure to the west coast. The group of women went around and gave Catalina her flowers, shared their favorite memory with her and wished her success in this next chapter of her life.

What we didn't expect was for her to start with giving gratitude to each of us individually. That was a beautiful thing to experience. When it came turn for her to share her feelings and thoughts towards me she said something like:

"Jess, who you are is so much more beautiful than what you produce".

She said other things too - like the gatherings I host in my house feeling like home and that being around me feels like having a big sister and aunty. I cried real tears because to be seen and known is one of the greatest gifts anyone can give you. Being more beautiful than what I produce is oftentimes what women like me need to hear.

As someone who has always been a high achiever, I've had to do a lot of work to detach myself from career identities that have been assigned to me. Folks are quick to call me a boss, a career woman, a CEO, a founder and a business lady.

All of these things are true, but they don't tell the full story of who I am or what I value. I am also God's child, Santana's daughter, a sister, a god mother, a friend, a culinary enthusiast, a world traveler, a writer, a creative, a music lover and an ocean appreciator. The list goes on…

I find that for women, especially women of color, career identities already amplify the pressures that come with work expectations. These identities also lead to immense burnout because when you are known for your work, you usually give it your all because you deeply care about it — sometimes at the expense of your own well being.

I was once there. I girl bossed really hard in my twenties to the point where I felt like I was losing parts of myself and I was burning out. So much of that drive came from wanting to be someone my parents and community in East New York could be proud of. When I started weighing the heaviness of carrying that, I realized that living my life only through professional achievement was not sustainable.

I owed myself the chance to humanize my existence and enjoy all of the things I had been putting on the back burner because work was a lot and it truly was never going anywhere. It would always be waiting for me.

So in 2020, I was living in Los Angeles. I ended up adopting a dog named Hazel and she and I did so many things together during a very lonely pandemic time. She gave me back my life during this time and having her forced me to be more proactive about unplugging, going outside, enjoying the sun and getting in hot girl walks.

A year into adopting Hazel, she and I traveled to Rosarito, Mexico and stayed there for one month. We ate Mexican food everyday (she loved tortillas), sat by the ocean, took long drives along the coast, went to wineries and did a lot of writing… well I did a lot of writing. Hazel did a lot of sleeping by my feet.

That time in Mexico showed me that I had so many desires and I made a commitment to myself to experience as many beautiful things as humanly possible. I started solo traveling, writing and finding ways to bring my community together whenever I could — for dinners, for events and for just general fun.

One other commitment I made during this time was to do a solo trip to Death Valley. It was one of the wildest things I have done in life. I went to Death Valley because I was chasing the Milky Way Galaxy. I knew no one in my immediate family ever got to see that so it was a radical act of placing myself into spaces that normally wouldn't find me or people like me.

There was a moment in Death Valley that I thought to myself, "I want this feeling forever"… the feeling was one of rest, freedom, agency and of the power to design my life as I see fit and defy the norms associated with how I was going to work hard, but also play much harder.

I got back to LA from Death Valley, rented a slingshot, started living and it's been up ever since…

So if any of you have been feeling the weight of work on your shoulders, I want you to make one commitment to yourself this week by answering the journal prompt here:

In the world of work that is designed to take everything it can from me, what do I have in my control today that helps create stronger boundaries between what I produce and who I am…

This is your sign to start detaching from work and begin investing in your wellbeing.

Work will always be here… you only have one life… make it count…